On February 14, I just dropped everything and fled to Bamenda, into my grandma’s arms.
I told everyone that I only wanted to visit her and get a little spoiled. Well, that was reason number two. Reason number one was that I wanted to ‘find myself’.
I don’t even know what that meant. I can only explain how I felt.
I realised I had not had a real holiday in over 14 months and I was completely exhausted. I was literally falling sick every three weeks.
I realised that I had several undefined relationships which were causing me distress, and I had begun to feel emotionally numb.
I was tired of not knowing what I really wanted and just ‘going with the flow’.
I had realised that I didn’t even have clear cut goals and plans for myself in this season and it was as though I was acting out scripts which other people had written for me.
I exhausted my ‘love tank’. I had spent all my efforts giving love and caring for the people in my life and had forgotten to receive. I had even begun to hate the person that I was.
I was immune even to God. I no longer wanted to hear His voice or be in His presence.
I had lost myself.
So I left everything and everybody and ran.
I ran to the only place I knew I would always be welcomed with a smile and open arms. The only place I knew would ever be a safe love nest; My grand mother’s house.
For one week, I did nothing but eat and sleep. You know, like Eddie Murphy, “Prince Hakeem” in Coming to America, the movie. I know my grandmother would have bathed me and brushed my teeth if I let her.
I only received. I let myself be loved and appreciated. And pampered, of course.
So, did I find myself?
I don’t know.
But now, I am refreshed. I truly feel loved and valued. I know what I want to be doing in the next six months at least. I know which relationships I have to throw away and which I have to keep. I am excited about worship and being in the presence of The Father.
I don’t have my whole life in order, but now, I like the picture that I see. And gradually I am beginning to love Glory Mafor again.